I remember when i lost my mind7/25/2023 Anyone familiar with CPR knows how difficult it is to do it right. There was none! We tried pulling the man out, but he was stuck underneath the dashboard. I climbed in through the passenger side and felt his heartbeat. I heard him shouting, this man just passed out. When I got to the car, there was someone talking to the driver through the driverside window. I saw this car still had someone stuck upside down on the driver’s seat. A small car flipped upside down next to the road. Several people standing next to it with faces full of shock. A big truck with tons of damage on the front. Me fresh out of the academy, one of the first on the scene. In this case, it was an even older incident where a driver committed suicide by ramming his car into a truck, both of them going around 80-100km an hour. It triggered a flashback from another suicide. The kids were playing around and screaming as kids do. The next day the flashbacks hit me like a brick again. Breaking down like this was so out of character for me, that I began questioning myself. Do everything myself and keep everything to myself. I always feel I have to soldier on and keep on going even when it hurts. But that made me into a very stubborn man. I didn’t think anything was wrong with that. I took care of myself and my sister when no one else did. Since I’ve been small I had to do a lot on my own. I think mostly because I didn’t want to be seen as a victim and I didn’t want to burden her with all that baggage. I just never went into the severity of it all. I told her about the breakdown at work, I told her about my emotions, and I told her about the flashbacks. So without going into details, even with the one, I share everything with, just because I didn’t want her to feel the same, to feel that agony. How do you explain to someone who has never seen such sorrow, what it is, that you keep seeing? How do you tell someone you love so deeply, the stuff nightmares are made out of? First of all, telling my wife was very hard.
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